Fall back ! It hurts.

Sometimes I wonder from where does this art come to me ; the art of getting myself screwed. E 15 is my emotional closet. This overflowed dustbin looks exactly like my mind. It is sparsely filled.Yet somethings have fallen outside.Though it tries hard to soak in everything , it fails abruptly. Once in a while i clean it out and i think i will keep it clean and clear this time and i fail , every time.
Ah this room is filled not with air but words , which i breath in an breathe out. Which when i look around seem to be randomning across , hitting each other , hurting each other , strong words , weak words , words which come out of this hanging Santa Claus cap and are absorbed by fan regulator , words which move across diagnols of this room , as if this all is programmed. i want to touch them and see what exactly they mean but i cant. My brain is already overflowing.
Sleeping does not help too much. Its an escape but I do not like escapes. I like getting myself screwed. Its not a novel thing for me. I have got myself screwed many a times and now it does not even hurt. I feel something is missing if i have been not being screwed for some time. I do not believe in God. But there is no other explanation. Is there any ? Well that is precisely how God if defined.
Pressures and expectations are surmounting. How to break the jinx? Focus is long gone. What remain are the glorious remains of shining past. Alas ! too bad !
Writing is my thing. Its the best thing i do to myself. But i am feeling helpless. Like my hands are tied . Like i am being forced not to write when i am over-flooded with words. Its painful.
Give me my pen and paper. Turn on the lights. Shut the doors.
Fuck ! Why do i write such short sentences ? What does they signify ? Screw me lord !

.....and that is why i am an atheist.

Isn't this thing called God an escape from miseries of this world ? An answer to the question that we dont want ourselves to answer ?
Yes it is . It is an open ended answer to the hard questions one encounters in life. We can add what we want to , what satisfies our psyche .
If there is this GOD , then good people should not die , and bad people should not live . Does that happen ?
Were the 21 people that died in Bombay yesterday were all bad people ? were 50 people who got killed in that train accident were bad people ? You got any answers , sir ?
No because you are dumb , and you are going to believe in what was told to you by your parents . Go to temples and offer prayers to lifeless idols , and not care about any living thing around you, not care about people around you.
You play dirty politics , fool around people ,hurt them as much as you can , engage in corruption , eat away somebody's else share , let people get killed in front of you , care about your foolish ego , dont give a damn about any poor lying on the street ,and you say you believe in God.
You kill people for power , swallow somebody's wealth and offer it in temple ( or whatever alike ) , be over smart and think others are dumb asses , try to control masses , are jealous of success of others , are communal and you think that polluted Ganga will make you pious.
I may be also doing some of these things , but then atleast i am true to my sub conscious , and that is why why i dont believe in God.
Do you have one reason why do you believe in God ?. I cited many why i dont.

lets live

I can smell a sunshine , behind clouds up a mile
What a nice view ,
Hey ! Can u feel the dew.
Life is a gift , let us live
onto ourselves and how we wish
Life is a rock , let us write
the fable , defying clock
Life is fun , let us run
and play , hide and seek , lets have it done.
Life is music , let us compose it
and play , the blissful beat.
Life is you , sitting on the last bench
and wanting hold my hand
Life is you , waiting till 10
and doing me a text
Life is you, saying you will not call
ever , but doing it next hour
life is you , forgetting the ATM card
and looking at me.
Life is you , life is me
and life is how we have lived.
Life is you , life is me
and life is how it was
Life is you , life is me
and life is how it is
Life is you , life is me
and life is how it would be,
forever , you with me.